Don't let the outside influence the inside

I’m noticing that I am focusing on the negative and feeding my anger. I so don’t want to be a dupe. I think my daughter (A)is getting better, a bit, the supplements I’m giving her seem to be helping, the attitude seems better, she’s sleeping better some nights. That’ll help a lot.

I know that’s only part of the solution, I know that therapy is key and no pill can fix her, it can only help her fix herself.

I guess, I just don’t see the real desire to in her to fix her. She still feels there’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of others. She still doesn’t seem to me to be putting all the effort in to getting jobs that I would be if it were me.

She disappears, I *know* in my heart she’s off seeing BF (M), who she’s not allowed to see while she lives here. She’s allowed to talk to him, not see him. I can’t prove it. So, what do I do?

She tells me that "M thinks he can put me on his vision and dental insurance”. Again, let’s use someone else rather than get my own. I told her last night, “how about you get a job and get your own?” she just mumbles “yeah”.

Her history is so angry, violent and filled with lies, and I know still most of what she speaks now are lies, how am I supposed to just trust that she’s out there job hunting and not screwing off and seeing Mand taking advantage of us?

My husband (I) is so good, he knows, and he’s right. That until she proves herself unworthy, we have to just trust that she’s doing what she’s supposed to be doing, even if it’s not to our expectations.

We can’t follow her every day. We can’t prove she’s up to no good. Can’t prove she’s lying. She is job hunting, just not with the vigor that I think she should be. She does do a little around here, certainly not to my expectations.

I am basing this all on what I think I would do in this situation. Granted, I don’t have the supposed mental illness she has.

I say supposed, because I have seen her pick herself up and do a damn good job from time to time, so I know she’s capable. That brings me to: yes, I know she has difficulties, but I know it’s a choice. She CAN overcome her difficulties if she wants to.

She did sum it all up when she was 13. She did really well one quarter in school, all A’s and B’s. The next quarter was right back to D’s and F’s. I asked her “what the hell?” (not really in those words, same gist) and she said “I tried working hard,I didn’t like it and it wasn’t worth it” Well, there you go then.

Now I find myself fighting my own depression, my own anger. Trying not to let the outside influence the inside of who I am.