Dilemma…

My older daughter is all about labels and qualifications. She loves loves loves college and her college friends. She’s of the mindset that if you’ve gone to college, you know it all, hence… her Master’s and desire to go on to PHD.

Anyway, that’s another story.

Older daughter has a friend who is “qualified” and said younger daughter, (source of most of our drama) was as a child was O.D.D. (Oppositional defiant disorder )this I knew, I figured that out years ago.

ODD kids eventually progress to either Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) or Conduct Disorder. But first and formost, she’s depressed. Gee, I’ve been saying she’s a manic depressive for years too.

She fits Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) to a “T” Every single one.

Characteristics of people with antisocial personality disorder may include:^{[citation needed]}

1.

1. Persistent lying or stealing

2. Superficial charm^[4][5]

3. Apparent lack of remorse^[4] or empathy; inability to care about hurting others

4. Inability to keep jobs or stay in school^[4]

5. Impulsivity and/or recklessness^[4]

6. Lack of realistic, long-term goals — an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals

7. Inability to make or keep friends, or maintain relationships such as marriage

8. Poor behavioral controls — expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper

9. Narcissism, elevated self-appraisal or a sense of extreme entitlement

10. A persistent agitated or depressed feeling (dysphoria)

11. A history of childhood conduct disorders

12. Recurring difficulties with the law

13. Tendency to violate the boundaries and rights of others

14. Substance abuse

15. Aggressive, often violent behavior; prone to getting involved in fights

16. Inability to tolerate boredom

17. Disregard for the safety of self or others

18. People with a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder often experience difficulties with authority figures.

So what? We have a label? Now what? I’ve tried for years to get her to take supplements and diet changes and exercise and therapy for her manic depression or bi-polar as it’s called now. No go, she WONT do it.

I talked with her again last night. She says she’ll take what I give her, will she? Not likely. I made the mistake the last 2 days of giving her the supplements and letting her go take them out of my sight. It occurs to me this morning that she used to just toss them in the trash. For all I know she’s saying she’ll take them and flushing them. Ok, so now I have to treat her like a mental patient and make her take them in front of me and show me she swallowed them?

She still has no job and I really don’t think she’s seriously looking for one. (note #4 and #6) Even though we gave her a deadline of Friday to get one or she’s out.

So, our dilemma now is: is she mentally handicapped? Are we responsible for her forever? So we have a label… if she won’t help herself, do we support her and let her be a lay-about all her life? If we tell her there’s a disorder with her name on it, she’ll use it as an excuse.

Do we kick her butt out and hope it forces her to make responsible moves? Knowing that’s not likely?

We’ve told her that if she stays here, she #1, has to have 40 hours a week of paid work. In a couple of months after taking the supplements I give her faithfully, she has to get therapy WHILE paying back EVERY penny she owes and working to clean up the disaster she’s made of her credit.

The other dilemma is: “or what”? So, if she doesn’t get 40 hours a week – what? If she doesn’t take the supplements – what? If she refuses therapy – what?

Such a quandary.