Like I said. Diary... thinking "out loud"
Ally and I have had several talks since she moved back in.
A little back story:
Ally has always, and I mean from the day she was born, always been what I might call strong willed…
She’s always been demanding and unrelenting when she wants her way.
When she was very little, she was a biter. If her older sister didn’t do what she wanted her to do, she’d bite her, and I do mean bite.
When Great Grandma wouldn’t give in and let her have a 5th piece of string cheese, she’s stand in the middle of the living room and SCREAM for HOURS… Unrelenting and until she passed out from exaustion rather than just accept that she couldn’t have what she wanted.
She refused to work in school; from K on… conferences went like this:
Teacher: Well, she prefers to be in charge, she doesn’t play well with others and here (dropping 2’ stack of papers on the table) is the work she’s not done.
So, after many years of battles, battle of wills, battles for good grades, BAD social choices. I quit my real job and we decided to home school in hopes she wouldn’t flunk out and would graduate HS.
I have to say, homeschooling was a cake walk for her. She had to be beaten in to submission for the first 2 years, I had to sit every day and go over every assignment and make her do them and do them right… after a while, she decided it wasn’t so hard and she could skate through. And she did. She had easy teachers and the assignments really only took about an hour a day.
She was all set up to graduate early. She was eligible to go to Jr. College during her senior HS year and went. Again, very poor social choices. Again started the lying, the not doing school work, the bad choice in boys and friends. She failed her classes, we pulled her out and made her wait until she was out of HS to go to College.
18 comes, NOW she’s an “adult” and wants her adult freedom, wants to go to college, mainly because that’s where the social action is.
January of this year, she is so unbearable, she’s met a guy who is “the one” (aren’t they always?) and goes completely apeshit, tells us and her sister to “F*** off, and go to H***” and out she goes. Albeit, at our request.
She tries to suck in said boyfriend, but at this point he’s a little smarter than her. He knows he has a good thing, living with mom and dad and going to college, so he says no.
That’s ok, she can suck in one of her friends. She does…. She left the house with $2000 in cash, saved for when she was really ready to move out… inside of 18 weeks, count ‘em, 1-8 weeks… she’s penniless, being evicted from the crappy apartment, has no car insurance, owes her boyfriend money for paying her rent, owes her roommate money for paying her ½ of the rent, has flunked out of school and has nowhere to go.
So, back she comes. “I need you” “Please can I come back and stay until I get on my feet?”
Mind you, she works all of 10 hours a week at a $10 an hour job. So she has a credit card maxed out, she owes her college fund money, she owes boyfriend and I suspect boyfriends parents, her sister and her friends money.
OK, she is our child. Should we let her live in her car… probably. But, alas, we won’t if we don’t have to.
So, rules… she can come here IF:
That horrible, angry, hateful girl that left here 18 weeks ago even shows a glimmer of face, she’s out then and there with nothing but the clothes on her back and her car.
She makes a plan and immediately finds 40 – 60 hours a week work to pay back all she owes.
She pays back all she owed and pays out of her own pocket her first semester and books back to college and passes with no less than A’s and B’s.
She’s cheerful, grateful, and helpful around the house and participates in the running of the home and in the family.
She understands and acts as though I’m not her personal servant.
She’s 100% respectful and willing to prove that she deserves yet another chance.
She takes FULL responsibiilty for the choices she’s made and understands that it was all in HER control.
NO excuses. No more lies.
She stops manipulating her boyfriend in to buying her anything she bats her eyes at. Like a Fredick’s of Holywood bra. Uh huh, not kidding.
After she knew she was flat broke, well, beyond broke and about to be evicted, she goes to the mall with her sister. She goes in to Fredrick’s of Hollywood, picks a bra, slides her card, naturally it won’t work… so she looks at her sister expectantly. When sister wont pay for it, she gets all in a huff and calls boyfriend who says “come on by, I’ll give you the money”.
HUH???? WTF?????
Sounds reasonable? She is, after all, an “adult” and has to learn to act like one.
